"I pray where I am, sitting by the window, looking out through the curtain at the empty garden. I don't even close my eyes. Out there or inside my head, it's all equal darkness. Or light.
My God, who art in the Kingdom of Heaven, which is within.
I wish you would tell me Your name, your real one, I mean. But 'You' will do as well as anything.
I wish I knew what you were up to. But whatever it is, help me to get through it, please. Though maybe it's not Your doing; I don't believe for an instant that what's going on here is what you meant.
I have enough daily bread, so I won't waste time on that. It isn't the main problem. It's getting it down without choking on it.
Now we come to forgiveness. Don't worry about fogiving me right now. There are more important things. For instance: keep the others safe, if they are safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. You might even provide a Heaven for them. We need you for that. Hell we can make for ourselves.
I suppose I should say I forgive whoever did this, and whatever they're doing now. I'll try, but it isn't easy.
Temptation comes next. At the Center, temptation was anything much more than eating and sleeping. Knowing was a temptation. What you don't know won't tempt you, Aunt Lydia used to say.
Maybe I don't really want to know what's going on. Maybe I'd rather not know. The Fall was a fall from innocence to knowlege.
I think about the chandeliertoo much, though it's gone now. But you could use a hook in the closet. I've considered the possibilities. All you'd have to do, after attatching yourself, would be to lean your weight forward and not fight.
Deliver us from evil.
Then there's Kingdom, power, and glory. It takes a lot to believe in those right now. But I'll try it now anyways. 'In hope', as they say on gravestones.
You must feel pretty ripped off. I guess it's not the first time.
If I were you I'd be fed up. I'd be really sick of it. I guess that's the difference between us.
I feel very unreal, talking to You like this. I feel as if I'm taking to a wall. I wish you'd answer. I feel so alone.
All alone by the telephone. And I can't use the telephone. And if I could, who would I call?
Oh, God. It's no joke. Oh God oh God. How can I keep on living?"
The Handmaid's Tale, pg. 225 - 226
My God, who art in the Kingdom of Heaven, which is within.
I wish you would tell me Your name, your real one, I mean. But 'You' will do as well as anything.
I wish I knew what you were up to. But whatever it is, help me to get through it, please. Though maybe it's not Your doing; I don't believe for an instant that what's going on here is what you meant.
I have enough daily bread, so I won't waste time on that. It isn't the main problem. It's getting it down without choking on it.
Now we come to forgiveness. Don't worry about fogiving me right now. There are more important things. For instance: keep the others safe, if they are safe. Don't let them suffer too much. If they have to die, let it be fast. You might even provide a Heaven for them. We need you for that. Hell we can make for ourselves.
I suppose I should say I forgive whoever did this, and whatever they're doing now. I'll try, but it isn't easy.
Temptation comes next. At the Center, temptation was anything much more than eating and sleeping. Knowing was a temptation. What you don't know won't tempt you, Aunt Lydia used to say.
Maybe I don't really want to know what's going on. Maybe I'd rather not know. The Fall was a fall from innocence to knowlege.
I think about the chandeliertoo much, though it's gone now. But you could use a hook in the closet. I've considered the possibilities. All you'd have to do, after attatching yourself, would be to lean your weight forward and not fight.
Deliver us from evil.
Then there's Kingdom, power, and glory. It takes a lot to believe in those right now. But I'll try it now anyways. 'In hope', as they say on gravestones.
You must feel pretty ripped off. I guess it's not the first time.
If I were you I'd be fed up. I'd be really sick of it. I guess that's the difference between us.
I feel very unreal, talking to You like this. I feel as if I'm taking to a wall. I wish you'd answer. I feel so alone.
All alone by the telephone. And I can't use the telephone. And if I could, who would I call?
Oh, God. It's no joke. Oh God oh God. How can I keep on living?"
The Handmaid's Tale, pg. 225 - 226
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