Doug never did email me back from my last semi-angry email to him.

Did I honestly expect him to?

I am extremely tempted to email him and be like "hey, this is Lisa, the girl who you claimed you would love forever - do you think you might be able to, you know, give me the answers that I deserve?". But I won't. Why? Because I think I might just have to accept that he is indeed a bastard, and doesn't give a damn anymore.

What got me thinking about him, you ask? I was on IMR's website, and there was a picture of him on there. Now, I knew that this picture was on there, but I was going over the band's tour blog thing, and it mentioned him. Him and a girl named Amanda.

And this got me thinking. Who is this Amanda? Did her and Doug go together? Are they friends? Or did they just meet up at the place? And if they did, what happened with them up there?

And now I'm annoyed at myself for even caring. No, wait, I don't care. Because he can date whoever the hell he wants.

I just wish I had a boyfriend first. As petty as that is. I want him to realize he made a mistake. I want, in the end, for him to come crawling back, and me to say ''no, Doug, you blew it". But doesn't every girl who gets dumped want that?

I'm so sick of being the only single one in our group. We never do anything as a group anymore - they're just all off being coupley all the time. Hell, when we're together they're coupley. And as a result, I'm left out. A lovely feeling, really.

I don't necessarily want a boyfriend, I just want my friends back.

So what is it that I'm feeling, exactly? Not jealousy, I'm sure of that.

Why do I care?

Maybe I don't. Maybe I just think that I do, but it's really me just thinking that I should. Try to make sense of that one.

For goodness sakes. You're better off without him. It's long over. It's been five months. Just get over it already. You were doing so well.

I don't miss him. My problem is that I still care about him - and I can't just forget about him. Lord knows I would like to.

I. Don't. Care.

That must be it. I don't care, I'm just lonely.