So, some pictures.



Number one, my one inch front kick (which was placed in there for fun). I hit high, and you can see a big knot in the wood, but it still broke. If you're wondering why the writing is there, it's because I always get Mr. Hanger to sign a piece of wood that I break at testing.



My two inch back elbow, which I broke on the first attempt.



My axe kick. I started out with two inches, and didn't break it the first attempt. After breaking my back elbow, I dropped an inch and sliced through it on the second attempt (I only needed one two inch break).



The many inches of wood that I practiced on. And that's only the wood - I did many, many rebreakables (plastic boards).



And finally, my black belt. I "oil painted" out my last name, to deter all you creepy people. Who knows how many Phreadoms of the world there are.

I planned a great post proclaiming the great news. But it was all foiled by ripway. So I will simply have to blurt it out.

What great news, you ask?

I GOT MY BLACK BELT TODAY.

I broke my boards. And got my black belt. It's sitting right infront of me.

I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it I did it

Sarah I am calling you tomorrow if you read this. And will post pictures of wood and such asap.

I think we should declare this a day of celebration. February 18th. Mark it on your calendars. From this day onward it shall be a day where we all eat lots and lots of ice cream. It'll be a giant party!!

Words cannot express how amazing this is. I've done it, I've actually done it.

I just came across an article that I thought was fantastic. A woman extremely critical of Islam suggests that we fight Muslim terrorists rather than simply bend to them and their threats.

This woman is probably one of the bravest women in the world. She's standing up in a society that no one, much less a woman, dares to stand up in.

I agree with most of what she's saying. I don't think that we should continue accepting this kind of behavior from radicals, but on the other hand if we did what this woman is proposing, the violence would get a lot worse before anything gets better (if it ever would). It's all about an attitude that the West has adopted so eagerly. It's a "just keep your head low and apologize, and maybe they'll go away" attitude. Whenever there's a flare-up in the Middle East, the root of the problem is never properly dealt with (not that I have much of an idea on how to) - but it's like giving a pacifier to a screaming child.

The way the west treats Islamic fundementalists is such a double standard to how we hold ourselves. People desecrate the religious symbols of Christianity all the time. Jesus, the Virgin Mary, the cross, even taking the Lord's name in vain is extremely common (using the excuses of "art" and freedom of speech, of course). And if a Christian were to object, screams of "fascist" or "anti freedom" would ring out across the media. But if people were to say the things about Islam that they say about Christianity, we would have already gone into World War III. It's almost insulting that we expect this kind of thing from the Middle East, but would never tolerate it on our home front.

It begs the question of how and why this double standard came about, and whether or not anything will change. I wonder if a country would stand up and say "no, we will not tolerate these kind of threats". Or what would happen if they did.

Edit: I apologizing for classifying people/groups incorrectly, and minimilizing the issue. As Chris pointed out to me it's a much larger issue than this. However, I wrote this very early in the morning and couldn't think entirely properly.

Nothing too exciting to talk about. Except that I'm going through a bout of insomnia, and as a result have found myself buying a bunch of stuff off of Itunes at ridiculous hours in the morning. Check out one called Sleeping Sun. It's pretty fun.

I leave in 17 days. March 1st, it's coming soon.

After class today, Mr. Hanger and I (mostly I) decided to not attempt to do my boards on Friday.

Now, you're probably thinking why not give it a shot?. A black belt testing is more than a shot, it's something you've got to be ready for - you shouldn't go into it thinking that you may not pass.

Now, the reality of it is that you may not pass, of course. But you can't be dwelling on that.

For me, tonight showed me that I'm not yet ready to break my boards. It's not that I want it any less, it's that I want it too much to go into it not being ready. Mentally I'm quite close to being there - this was only gained, however, of weeks and weeks of pounding my poor arm against two inches of (bad) wood. My arm is way too bruised to be ready for tomorrow night. Moreover, Mr. Hanger and I are finding that my body is compensating for my fear of getting hurt in ways it's never done before. When I face a board preparing to do a front kick, my shoulders will hunch a bit and not allow me to follow through with my leg. It's probably a result of me pushing myself further than I was able to, and my body fighting me on it.

I'm going to start going to New West on Tuesdays and Thursdays now that I'm done work. I don't know if I'll be ready before I leave (twenty days!), but I'm beginning to feel that it's ok regardless. I'm taking a bit of the pressues off of myself. This does not mean that I will never get it, this means that I have six months to calm down and refocus.

Reading over this, my biggest fear is that this is a symptom of not caring. Now, no one could ever convince me that I don't care about martial arts, or my black belt. But I'm so used to sprinting towards a goal that it is very hard to undestand the feeling of, well, taking my time.

I'm scared that lightening up on myself will somehow give way to loosing my passion or desire for my sport. And the fact that I'm even considering this makes me even more worried. I'm not considering it, it's more of a fear that I'm harbouring. That when I come back I won't feel the same way about martial arts.

But anyone who knows me knows that it will only be about a month in England before I cave and go find myself a martial arts place when I'm there.

Thank you, board break practice.

I did two different breaks, a forarm and a back elbow. That's why the bruise carries over. And you can't see it on the picture, but both areas are nice and swollen.

I may have to use my other arm on Wednesday/Friday.

Apparently Mr. Hanger couldn't find any wood, so I might have to do a black plastic board instead, the equivalent to two inches. I think that subconsciously it will be easier for me - it's a lot easier to imagine a black board is a green board than two inches of wood.

When I'm done with this, my body will thank me. And I will reward it with six months of no breaks in England.

I just ended a "friendship" that's lasted a few years - a few years too long. I normally prefer to be on good terms with people, but with this person I generally chose to not to talk to him, as he intentially (and admitedly) would push my buttons every time for fun. According to him, if I want to be his friend I just have to deal with it because that's "the way he is".

And today when the question was raised as to whether we should keep talking to each other, I decided no. Anyone who is indifferent when it comes to being in a relationship should not be in one.

I wrote some other stuff, but I just deleted it because I know I wouldn't want him to read it. And, to be honest, I don't think he really deserves the time, the space, or the effort. Out of sight, out of mind.

Why do people always 'awww' at me? It happens all the time, not only in person but over MSN as well. How is saying that I'm staying at home tonight and doing nothing cute? Unless they're actually 'awwwing' in sympathy. Wow, wouldn't that be depressing.

Last night Mr. Hanger asked me why I wanted my black belt. And right then and there, I couldn't tell him. It's a goal I've been running towards for so long that I couldn't even remember why I had set it in the first place.

Last night I did some digging around in my mind, figuring out a few things. The first was the answer to the question. The simple answer is that when I first started martial arts I made my mind up that I wasn't going to stop until I obtained it. And I achieve the goals that I set for myself.

But now, my black belt has morphed into something a bit more symbolic.

You see, I've had a mental block in my mind regarding board breaks. It wasn't until last night that I realized why it was there. Me being a perfectionist, at a very young belt I began to tell myself that my technique wasn't good. Or that I would never be as good as so-and-so. When it came to break my first wood board (at blue belt) I hadn't tried it before testing, and was very nervous. When it didn't break on the first attempt, I let my emotions get the better of me and couldn't concentrate at all. I ended up breaking them, but only after I sat down for a while and regained my composure.

From that moment on, I decided two things: that the reason I had such trouble breaking wood was because my technique wasn't good enough, and that board breaks were hard and something to fear.

I've been telling myself that for years. I finally managed to get over it temporarily when I tested the first time for black - and I nerely fractured my arm. This time I had my emotions in check, the right attitude, but not enough focus on the target. And as a result, they didn't break. Moreover, I couldn't break my others because of the pain in my arm. So, my negative attitude came back in full force, with the added problem of an injury.

I've had to go through a lot to be at a place where I can even set up two boards without getting scared. Even looking at two inches would remind me of not only the horrible pain I was in the first time, but also the shame and anger of not getting my black belt on my first try. I'm over that aspect now, but how far I've come still isn't enough. My mental block was still there, and I knew it, but I didn't know what to do about it.

So last night I realized that I have to consciously make the decision to get over my mental block. It seems like a simple conclusion, but it really wasn't easy to see. I thought that as I got better the block would just go away, but that obviously hasn't happened. I had to make the decison to get over it, I had to decide to break my wood.

This also involves undoing years of negative talk I've said over and over in my mind.

Heading back to the previous question, I now have my answer. Obtaining my black belt involves stepping over this huge hurdle, which I can't do without changing my thinking pattern. When I finally break my boards and get my black belt, it will be a symbol of doing that.

I've only been thinking positively for a day, and while I would like to say that I notice a difference, I really only notice how hard my mind is fighting me. I go over my board breaks in my head (with me breaking them), and it's actually quite difficult to do. But I know that after a few days of this new attitude, I will be ready to smash through them. Not only in my mind, but in real life as well.

I do think I will be ready mentally to test on the 10th. This does not mean that I will break my boards on the first attempt. But it does mean that if I miss the first, I will be in the right frame of mind to break them on the second, or even the third. I refuse to be the reason that I do not pass. I'm already a black belt in everything else, now I just need to be it in attitude.

My travel blog is now up. As a result, I'm not sure how much I'll be posting on Stanley, or what I'll be posting. Now Stanley is in direct access to everyone who I've given my other address to, so emotional things may be kept to email.

I also need to ask Kora how to fix the font on my blog. It gets smaller and smaller towards the bottom of the page. I think it's got to do with my code, but I'm not sure.

So yes. I leave in three weeks and three days, but before there comes my black belt re test. More on that to come.