Today I saw the reason why girls should not dye their hair blonde. A girl I saw in the hall has the most horrible hair colour. It's almost a little orangey, and goes terribly with her skin tone. And it was pulled back and greasy looking, kind of like those playschool wives that come with the dollhouses (I did always want one).

I now have a newfound appreciation for my hair, and the colour(s) that it is. And it's remarkably soft for everything that it's undergone - dying, blow drying, straightening, the works. In the end I hope it doesn't fall out. Although I do still want to cut it short again and dye it bright red. I've been told repeatedly that I could pull it off, but with my personality I think I can pull off pretty much anything. Doesn't mean I should, though. I think I have to wait for a very strong impulse.

It's starting to happen.

Mom brought home passport papers.

I'm not looking forward to paying $150 to replace my first one, though. It was in the Honda when it was totaled, and accidentally was thrown out with the rest of the papers.

So it's the beginning of the journey...and of the hugely expensive fees I know I'll have to pay. Sigh.

I fear that I've been neglecting my blog, and for that I am sorry indeed.

What have I been doing? Well, not much, to be honest. Nothing interesting anyways. I worked 42 hours at Esprit last week, and seven hours at tae kwon do. Also put four hundred dollars in the bank, bringing the total up to almost half of my goal. I now have $2200 saved up, and will hopefully be increasing that amount to five thousand over the next three months.

I have become sick of Kelly Clarkson.

She's on the radio all the time, and all she does is sing about breakups. Songs that she hasn't even written.

Her newest one, Because of You, really annoys me. In the song, she's blaming her ex boyfriend for being the reason she can't trust anyone, yadda yadda yadda.

I guess I don't like it when people, especially women, play the victim. The relationship between Kelly and the person she's singing to was consentual, but she only blames him? What about herself? People are allowed to break up with their girlfriend/boyfriend. He did nothing wrong, he only made a decision. Bastardly? Maybe. But it doesn't mean you have to "play on the safe side of the street" for the rest of your life.

I have had my heart broken as well, but I don't blame Doug as the sole reason for my having trust issues (I had them long before he came along). To not be able to trust anyone takes years and years of being hurt, not just one breakup. And even then - I know that when I can trust someone, it means that there's something special there. If anything, the whole relationship led me to question myself and my own emotions, not the people around me.

My relationship with Doug has not taught me to be wary of falling in love. Instead, I've learned what is possible. Now I know what kind of a connection to look for with another person. More importantly, the whole breakup taught me so much about myself, and even God. Looking back at everything, I would never change anything. If I had the choice of doing it over again, I would do it the exact same way.

If Kelly can't see the good that there was in her relationship (and even the breakup), then she hasn't decided to grow from it. I just wish she would stop bitching. Decide to get over it. Yes it hurts, probably worse than any other pain that a person can go through. But I made the decision to move on. You can't simply decide to make the pain go away, it doesn't work like that...but you can decide that it won't break you. You can be stronger than the situation.

And then I remember that it's just a song.

I wrote a long post on religion. But I haven't decided it I'll post it yet. I think what I said distresses me.

Today I was at White Spot with the guys from church. We were eating away, and I catch out of the corner of my eye this old couple glaring at me and whispering away.

I looked back, and made eye contact with the woman, who quickly turned her eyes away. But she kept on staring at me and giving me dirty looks the entire lunch. When I got up and went to the washroom, she looked me up and down with a disgusted look on her face.

Now, if I was wearing a low cut top I might have understood the disapproving looks. But I was wearing the furthest thing from that, a turtleneck and a knee length skirt. I was barely showing skin minus my face.

I was very tempted to go over and ask them what their problem was, or to advise them that when they're talking about someone they should try and be a little more discreet. But I didn't want to start a fight. I bet you they were the head cheerleader and football captain in their time.

Have you noticed the number of remixes on the radio? Today I hear one from Kelly Clarkson, Coldplay, and Mariah Carey. A few days ago there was one by that "listen to your heart" singer, whatever her name is.

Am I the only one who is not impressed by remixes? It's the exact same song, but with a different beat. Coldplay's Speed of Sound was especially disappointing. Boring, even. And all of Mariah Carey's stuff sounds the same regardless.

An excuse for exhausting their creativity, I say.

I've started Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrel. I'm halfway through chapter two. It's good so far, but I need to read it in a mood where I'm a little more attentive. It's not a difficult read, but I'm afraid I've grown lazy while reading Atwood. Her I can read at 3 in the morning quite easily. This one has more to it, and my imagination wants to work a bit harder. But that's one of the switches that has been turned off during the early hours.

So is the one that writes interesting blog posts.

And guess what. Bubble head (I don't want to say his name, because he has a tendancy to look himself up on Google and such) has taken me off of his "blogs I read" links. You know what that means? VICTORY.

I wonder if I hate Doug.

I don't think I do. Quite the opposite, in fact - I think I miss him.

Maybe I hate myself for missing him. And thinking about him. And caring about him. And not being able to delete his emails.

But I don't hate myself for those things, it just frusterates me to no end.

But I am getting better. Last time I had a Doug relapse I cried. This time I'm only glaring at the computer, annoyed and refusing to look at his emails. Maybe there won't be a next time.

Who am I kidding? There's always a next time.

I wish I could not care. I wish I could not think about him. I wish I could control these things.

Maybe I do hate him.

You know, I would love to post about something new and exciting, but nothing happens around here. Nothing at all. I do the same old thing every day.

HOWEVER. I am thinking of going to the UK in February and Australia in September. Transferring over to Esprit UK and working for a bit, just for the expirience and such. I do still want to go to Australia, but right now I don't want to go as much as I do to Britain. And the people running the program have more or less ignored me, they haven't gotten back to me with almost every question I've sent them. We shall see. But prospects look promising.

Tomorrow is VC's memorial. Not looking forward to it especially.

What else...

Boy Meets World seems to be on when I'm watching TV. And I feel that I have to comment on how gorgeous Jack is. I liked him before, and I like him now.

According to the world oil prices, we are being gouged for gas prices. We should only pay about .9 5 a litre. They've been taking advantage of the two hurricanes and the fear of an oil shortage. and have been generating billions of dollars in extra revenue for the oil componies. And all I can say is no shit, Sherlock. For heavens sake, everyone knew that. But now it's official because it was determined by researchers.

You know, oil isn't, and never has been, a renewable resource. It's a fossil fuel. We're going to run out eventually. It's just a matter of when. Maybe we'll just go back to using horses or something. Hopefully I'll be dead by then, so I won't care.

Maybe they'll have invented teleporters by then.