sometimes I look too deeply into things
My room has an odd quality about it - it seems it's impossible to clean. I've been at it for the last hour and a half, and the stuff is for the most part off the floor..but it doesn't seem clean to me.
When we moved, we just kind of threw my furniture into my room without bothering to find a place where it looks nice. So there is absolutely no rhyme or reason, nothing reflecting my personality - unless you count the clothes that regularly litter the floor.
I could take it symbolically if I wanted to - a transition stage in my life where just nothing seems comfortable no matter what I do. If dad gets elected we'll most likely be moving anyways. We're always waiting; waiting for the election to be called, waiting to move, waiting to go to England. And patience never has been my strong suit.
Until whatever happens happens, I'm stuck in a room that I can't stand. It's a bigger room than my last one, but somehow it seems cramped and stuffy. Here the walls are bare, I've got bars over the window, and my video game systems aren't even properly hooked up. Oh yes, the heating doesn't work either.
Maybe overcrowded and uncomfortable is a reflection of myself. I always seem to have too much on my plate. I'm always over working myself, stretching myself thin. Like I said, my room seems to reflect this stage in my life perfectly.
I'm excited to go to England not because I'm leaving Canada (although that is part of it). I'm looking forward to ending this part of my life. The part where dad's campaigning, the part where I don't belong anywhere or with anyone. I'm getting away from everything that is Richmond, everything that is work. I'm going to stop working towards something, and I'm just going to have fun and enjoy life.
And that, friends, is the symbolism of my room.
Sixty-eight days. One thousand, six hundred and fourty-one hours. Nintey-seven thousand, 920 seconds. 67 sleeps. Two thousand, six hundred dollars.Two months and eight days. Five more paycheques.
February is coming...
The lovely people at Manchester student homes have offered me help to find accomodations when I get to England, despite my not being a student. It's more a matter of finding a landlord who will allow a non-student to rent out a room. Shouldn't be too much of a problem - they just want their spaces filled.
On similar note, "my children will not sing in public!".
I have decided that I am going to obtain abs of steel. I'm not sure how, but I'm going to. Watch me.
So. I finally got tae kwon do shoes. Look at them, in their glorious beauty.
Gone are the days of my feet hurting, gone are the days of being barefoot on a cold hard floor! All my problems are solved.
And on another excited note, I'm going to England in two and a half months. And I'm in far too good of a mood to sleep tonight.
The difference between jelly and jam
Ok Chris, just for you, from The Straight Dope.
"Jelly is made from fruit juice and so has no fruit bits. Jam is made by boiling fruit and does have fruit bits. Preserves are basically the same as jam unless you buy them from Smucker's, in which case if it's got seeds in it it's preserves and if it doesn't it's jam. Marmalade typically is a citrus-based preserve, sometimes containing the rind, but other fruits can be used. Apple and peanut butter are called that because they bear a resemblance to dairy butter. But if you want to call it apple jam (as opposed to apple jelly, which is made from juice), fine by me."
And I was going to upload a picture of a strawberry, but ripway still is being stupid. So I didn't. But I will eventually, maybe.
An accurate article on Liberal tax "cuts".
Excellent article. Read it.
This is what I'm talking about - the Liberal's track record. They do the same thing every election, and that is hand out a tiny bit of what Canadians want, just to reel in the voters. Then once they've been elected they don't follow through. They've been doing it for years.
Looks like we'll be having an election before Christmas.
When dad said he thought it would come before Christmas, very few people believed him. When I tried to convince people of the same, they were sure that it was going to be later on in February.
I'm not singing my/our praises yet, but it looks promising. Drops in the Liberal popularity are forcing leaders of the three parties to act quickly. Not wanting to give Liberals time to regain any of their popularity, a non confidence vote is most likely going to be held next week.
It seems that NDP are growing strong in the Ontario polls. This is fine with me - most of Western Canada tends to vote Conservative. If Ontario votes NDP, and Quebec votes Bloc, that means that the votes are split and the Conservatives have a very good chance.
For those of us non-Canadians who read this, I'll explain how the voting across the country works (quickly). Because Ontario and Quebec have the highest population of people, whoever the two provinces vote for gets in power. Last election, Conservatives took the rest of the country, but because Ontario and Quebec voted Liberal, Martin got in.
Quebec is voting Bloc, there's almost no question. The battle ground for votes will be Ontario, where the Liberals are suffering in polls.
We'll know by next week whether there's a December election. Fingers crossed.
You know, it's actually really happy here.
I think that my family is where I get my optimisim from, because my whole extended family is always very happy. Easpecially Auntie Bethanne.
Even with the circumstances, I really like being here. I love my family. We're just sitting in the living room talking about various things, being together. Two of my aunts and my grandpa are sitting on my left, my mom is in another chair, my uncle is across from me, and one of my cousins is on the my right. I never get to see them, and it's nice to be here. Come Monday I'm not going to want to leave.
I'm dreading tomorrow, though. But until then, I'm enjoying being here with my family.
So, here I am in Toronto.
I was not looking forward to coming. I knew that, once I got here, I wouldn't be able to avoid thinking of grandma. And I was right - until I got the laptop working tonight. So now here I am in bed, listening to music and posting. Trying to find something to do. Sleep, you say? Hah.
Oh, blah. This is hard being here. Tomorrow will be hard. The day after will be hardest.
You know, I'm sick of writing about Doug, but the feeling that I am expiriencing now is the exact same that I was dealing with when Doug and I broke up. Honestly. It's the same feeling that kind of encompased all of me for months afterward. It's just pure, plain sadness. So when I sit and acknowlege how I feel, it kind of transports me back to when I was dealing with the Doug situation. And it's hard.
But you know, that kind of gives me an idea for how I should deal with the situation. Cry when I need to cry, write and talk about how I feel, and get lots of hugs.
Oh, my most illustrious grandmother. How can you be gone?
Being up this late with nothing to do is hazerdous to my health. I'm liable to start seeing things. Or thinking too much. And we all know what happens when I get thinking.
Doug emailed me back, with what seems to be an honest answer as to why he broke up with me. He said that he freaked out, and saw both him and I being dragged down. So There you go, my suspicions have been confirmed.
He also apologized. The first one that actually sounds real. He said that I never deseved be treated such a way. And once again, I feel like he's being sincere.
I don't know if a relationship with him will work out. He's changed. I think he may be stuck in - what did Vanessa call it - a cessepool of mediocrity. Back to the way he was before I met him.
He says he didn't know himself as well as he thought he did. Instead, I think he knew himself quite well. I think that he's changed, and he's learning his new self. Who you are friends with has an impact on the person that you become.
And last night was the first night I didn't sleep with the giant pink bunny he gave me. Hah. THIS calls for a celebration.
On another note - does it annoy anyone else that after you peel an orange your fingernails go yellow?
You know, I'm not nerely as ill-equipped to deal with the Doug situation as I thought I was. In fact, quite the opposite. I dealt with it very well, I think. It turned out to be the kick I needed to delete all his emails (I had all of them in a folder, from the very first one) and delete all his pictures off my computer. I even went into my recieved files and deleted anything he had ever sent me, minus one picture. And the only reason why I'm keeping that one is because it doesn't have him in it, and I like it.
I even have the desire to put the giant big bunny he gave me in my closet. I've slept with it every night since Doug left. And I don't want to anymore.
That's the thing. It doesn't hurt to do these things, I'm not even angry. I feel like I've turned around, and am beginning to walk away.
I read a profile of his that I found sort of accidently. My first thought was 'wow, we are so wrong for each other'. Maybe God's become more important to me within the last little while, I'm not sure. But I could never be with a person who is anti religion. And I know that for sure now. I wonder if I was just living on a dream, as I have a tendancy to do.
Oh, life. I can't believe I'm growing up.
You know, I'm not as angry at Doug as that last post made it sound. But I do have a lot of thinking to do.
Doug has a girlfriend.
The fucking bastard.
Why did I have to find out tonight, of all nights?
I hate you, life. I hate you, Doug. I hate you, cancer.
I am so not equipped to deal with this right now.
On a non-political note...
Jelena took some pictures of me a while ago, and just developed them. She's quite a good photographer, so I figured I'd post them for you.
This is what I do on my nights off. Email, read news articles, and resize pictures. Then I go to bed early.
"We are a pathetic country run by a most pathetic group of fear mongering little men."
After reading through some citizens responses to the report, I'm mildly satisfied. It seems that people are angry, which is good. But I can't believe that some people still think that we're better off with the Liberals in power.
We need to distinguish between Chretien's liberal's and Martin's, they say. Hello? They represent the same party! The stupidity of Canadians astounds me.
I can't believe that people don't remember that the Liberal Party stole the party policies from the Reform Party, which my dad actually wrote most of. Slapped another name on it and changed the wording around. And the stealing of the policies hasn't only happened once, it's been happening for the last twelve years.
If the Conservatives get into power and turn out to be horrible, then lets go back to Liberals again. But they haven't been in power for twleve years (or is it ten?) I don't understand how anyone could, in good conscience , vote Liberal again. Even if Martin had nothing to do with the scandal, how could we vote for a (as one person says) "decent, honourable man" who represents a party of corruption and lies?
The Gomery Report has been released.
It's major findings.
So according to the report, Chretien is to blame. Doesn't surprise me. Although I am interested in how Martin wasn't involved, seeing as he was finance minister at the time that it was going on. I said at the very beginning of this that either he's a lying, stealing bastard along with the rest of them - or he's just dumb. According to the report it's the latter, as he didn't notice when millions of dollars went missing with no documentation or explination.
I want an election now. Chretien stayed in power too long, and only by bribing various corporations with my tax dollars. It's disgusting. Worse than that, it's appauling. They have no right to be governing over me.
